Are You Doing This in Your Marriage?
It sure looks like it, as you notice their happy pictures on social media. They look so in love all of the time. Their Christmas card pictures each year couldn’t exude more joy. Absolutely, it sounds like it, as she shares about her amazing husband who brings her champagne while she is taking her nightly bubble bath. She makes sure everyone knows that he is the best husband ever.
But friends, it is not true. No one has the perfect marriage. It is impossible because we are ALL human beings, filled with flaws and imperfection. There is no way to take two broken and imperfect individuals, put them in the same living space, add the responsibility of child rearing to those who have kids, and expect it to just work out magically, without putting in effort and sweat equity through the years. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard.
We are pulled in many different directions, but that is no excuse. It is up to us to choose our priorities. When we struggle in our relationships, it is difficult to move forward into our best lives. We are usually stuck. If you are married, I believe we can all be intentional by incorporating these three strategies:
1. Create space for your marriage.
Schedule date nights. If you have kids and money is an issue, find friends to swap kids with. Have a romantic dinner out. Cook a romantic dinner in. Put down your phone.
There is always a way to create time and space. You might just have to get creative. The truth is, we let other things become priorities because we forget the urgency of our togetherness.
2. Find a cheerleader/coach/counselor to walk with you.
I really struggle to understand why couples would want to do it alone. None of us can do it alone. God provides people in our lives to walk with us, cheer us on, mentor us, coach us, or counsel us and it is such a shame when we pass up the opportunity. You don’t get a medal in Heaven for sticking through your marriage without help. At least not that I am aware of.
Anything worth something in life takes work. Seek out a marriage mentor at your church. Enlist the services of a marriage coach. If you have an EFT therapist or couples therapist in your area, see if it is a good fit. Attend a marriage weekend away or a couples’ retreat. There are more options than there are excuses. My husband and I would both say that the best seasons of our marriage have been when we were walking with a third person who could provide encouragement, wisdom, and support.
3. Create rituals & traditions
Rituals and traditions that are meaningful to both of you. Maybe it’s a special date location. Maybe it is a celebrating little things.
John Gottman, in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, describes the positive impact that “rituals of connection” play in the longevity of relationships. He encourages couples to begin and end each day with rituals.
Rituals can look like this:
· Stress-reducing conversations
· Shared meals (no screens)
· Good morning kisses
· Welcome home kisses
· Family meetings
· Date nights
· Vacations
Intentionality is a powerful component of a positive relationship. Life gets in the way before we know it and can derail our plans and set us standing on opposite sides of the dance floor. When we pursue each other and put the marriage first, we might step on each other’s toes, but at least we are trying to dance the same dance.
You are amazing! Start living like it!
