Is This Working for You?
Why is it we often don’t want to ask for help? Sometimes it feels like admitting we are weak. Sometimes we don’t want to be a burden. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has it all together, so it is embarrassing to admit we don’t.
Instead, we keep it in, stuff our feelings, and push harder.
It’s as if we walk through life carrying a bag of bricks over our shoulder. It’s exhausting, yet we keep going—even when others offer to help. Instead of sharing our load, we decline and keep carrying our bricks. Somewhere, we bought the lie that we have to carry them alone.
I can easily remember times I also felt I had to do it all alone. In 2004, my husband was deployed with the Navy on the USS Reagan. I had a precocious toddler and a newborn baby in the NICU. I was grateful to have a supportive network of friends and family, but I still felt guilty relying on their help. I told myself I “should” be able to do it alone, but I was mentally and physically exhausted. I finally decided to take care of myself and see a counselor.
Working with a counselor was new for me and, in all honesty, a little bit scary. I wasn’t sure what to expect as this was before I went back to school for a counseling degree. Personal counseling ended up being the best investment I could have made. She called me out (gently) on the fact that I was trying to do it all alone because no one is meant to do it alone.
Try This Instead:
1. Show Up.
Show up in person. Be in shared space with others. When we show up, we gain community—people who know us, see us, and want to support us. In today’s world, it is easy to hide as we can do virtually everything online. We can have groceries or meals delivered to our house. Our shopping needs are met by Amazon Prime. We can watch church sermons online, and many of us work from home. It takes effort to show up and connect with real people, but it is essential.
2. Be Vulnerable.
Share your truth with trusted others. No one can know you are hurting if you don’t tell them. No one can read your mind, and they certainly aren’t going to pry into your personal business. It is our responsibility to let others know where we need help.
In Rising Strong, Brené Brown writes, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
That’s the hard part, right? Not having control over the outcome. Control keeps us safe. It keeps us protected. And it keeps us alone.
3. Keep Trying.
Grit and determination are important, but it is also important to ask others to walk alongside you. I know the days are hard, but don’t give up. Find your squad of encouragers and keep each other accountable to moving forward one day at a time.
If you show up, are vulnerable and open, and keep trying, you will begin to notice people want to be in your corner and be part of the possibilities you are creating.
You are amazing! Now start living like it!
