How to Stay in Your Emotional Sweet Spot
Show of hands — who has been feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed by the events in our world over the last year? (raises hand)
Well, my friend, you aren’t alone. Doesn’t it sort of seem like we’re living through a bizarre movie?
I’m seeing it with my counseling clients, feeling it with my family and friends, and know you must be feeling it too … plain and simple, we are pushed to the emotional max.
We’re living in a time where most of us are just trying to make it through the days, running on fumes emotionally.
We’re out of our emotional sweet spot.
Did you know that sweet spot has a name? Yup, it sure does!
It’s called our Window of Tolerance.
“Window of Tolerance” is a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, to identify our optimal reaction to stress and adversity. When we’re in our window of tolerance, we’re able to handle difficult situations or stressful circumstances. We operate from the fruits of the spirit, exhibiting love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. We’re able to give and receive feedback with kindness and love. When we’re in the window, we still experience emotions like hurt, fear, anger, and sadness, but we have strategies to handle those emotions in a healthy and effective way.
If we’ve experienced trauma (big or little) that has left us without coping skills or techniques, our nervous system can get easily dysregulated, triggered, and overwhelmed. In that case, it’s easy to end up either in hyperarousal (above the window) or in hypoarousal (below the window).
If we’re in hyperarousal, our nervous system gets ready for fight or flight. Hyperarousal is evident when we’re experiencing anxiety, rage, emotional flooding, panic, fear, anxiety, hypervigilance, neuroticism. You just want to fight or flee.
If we’re in hypoarousal, our nervous system collapses and submits. We shut down, go numb, and are apathetic and lethargic, acting disconnected or zoned out.
We fluctuate between our different zones all day long. For instance, when I wake up in the morning, I need some coffee to get me out of hypoarousal and into my window of tolerance. If I’m running late somewhere, you’d better believe I’m hyperaroused. The goal with our window is to expand it so that we can handle difficult emotions, self-regulate, self-reflect, receive feedback, and engage in growth.
So...now that you have a model for your window of tolerance, how do we get back into our window when we’re either hyperaroused or hypoaroused? It’s simpler than you think.
Let’s face it. Most of our country feels dysregulated right now after the year we’ve had. How could we not? The problem is, we’re never going to come together as a nation, or in any other sphere, if we’re trying to solve issues without being in our window of tolerance. We can only handle so much overwhelm before we crash.
Yes, but how? Well, I’ve put together a guide with my TOP 10 WAYS FOR GETTING INTO MY WINDOW OF TOLERANCE when I feel dysregulated (or those in my life tell me I’m acting dysregulated! <wink wink, nudge nudge>
You can check out that guide HERE
What was your biggest insight?
Let me know in the comments below!
You are amazing! Start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.
