No Is A Sentence
When I began my life coaching certification training program in 2008, I was running ragged. My husband was deployed in Iraq for a year and I was holding everything together at home with a four and six-year-old.
I was saying "yes" to anything that came my way. And the thing is, they were mostly things that I really wanted to do. The problem is, I just didn't have enough time in the day to get it all done. Can you relate?
I am going to admit that as a recovering people-pleaser I really struggle with the word "no.” I want to make people happy and I really don't want to disappoint people, especially those that I love. I know it, though, when I get into that people-pleasing place. Those times that I say "yes" when I should say “no.” That queasy feeling in my stomach is all too familiar. My back tenses up, my shoulders tighten, and my mouth says "yes" when my body is saying "heck no!" I should listen to my body more often.
Why is "no" so difficult?
I will tell you why. It is because, at that moment, I am putting my value, my worth, my acceptance, and my belonging in the hands of another person. This is a problem because when I do this, I am giving them my power. If you’re a Christian, the person that we should be putting our worth into is Jesus Christ. Period. Not family, not friends, and certainly not strangers (which is an exceptionally difficult one for me).
Do you know that we weren't created to meet everybody's needs? We weren't created to carry everybody's load.
Galatians 6:2 says “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” However, in Galatians 6:5, it says, “each one should carry his own load.”
What does that mean? It means that it is important that we help and serve others when they are walking through difficult times. It means that we consider other’s needs as they are dealing with loss, destruction, grief, illness, trauma, loneliness, and all of the other storms that come our way. As believers, we are to be compassionate and caring to those who need help.
It also means that we are responsible for our own self-care as well. We should carry our own load. Our own daily responsibilities. Our own feelings. Our own choices. Our own behavior. No one else is responsible for that in our lives.
Matthew 5:37 (ESV) says to let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.
Every time we are saying “yes” to something, we are saying “no” to something else.
What are you saying “no” to today because your “yes” has taken over? Perhaps it is time to reassess and start creating some boundaries in your life.
You're amazing! Start living like it!!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.
