The Truth About Judgement
Have you ever felt inadequate? What about unworthy? If so, you’re not alone. Right now, we are living in the middle of an epidemic. Nope, I’m not talking about COVID-19. I’m talking about self-judgement. Whether we mean it to or not, this condemnation creeps into our days, our relationships, and even how we speak to (and even think about) ourselves.
In this digital world we live in, comparing ourselves to the perfect lives and unrealistic standards we see in our social media feeds is a daily activity. How did we get here? Maybe it’s the lack of bonding and connection we feel due to isolation from COVID-19 and quarantine. Maybe it’s the lies that have been told to us throughout our lives, that we allow to become true. Perhaps it’s all of the above. Regardless, this type of self-judgement is keeping us stuck.
How Self Judgement Is Keeping You Stuck
But it doesn’t have to. We can all shift into freedom and joy when we acknowledge that our self-judgement is actually sabotaging us from living to the fullest.
o Self-judgement keeps us from experiencing joy.
When we live in self-judgement, nothing is ever enough. We are never enough. Our performance is never enough. Our value is never enough, and we go to great lengths to prove our worth through pleasing others or accumulating trophies. It’s like we’re carrying around a bag of metaphorical bricks stamped with lies like: “you’re not enough” or “you should do better.” These bricks are heavy—let go of them.
o Self-judgment keeps us from living to our fullest potential.
You were created with a unique purpose and superpower. That self-judgement is keeping you from shining your brightest. How can you possibly impact others and our world for good, when you’re walking around with those heavy bricks on your back? Let them go so you can run the race!
o Self-judgement keeps us from deep relationships with others.
We are created for connection, and we’re at our best when we’re bonded with others. In order to be in true, authentic relationships, we have to embrace vulnerability. If we sit in self-judgement, we are blocked from experiencing true vulnerability. We can’t feel critical of ourselves and be receptive and open to others at the same time. Most things in life aren’t about us, but when we operate from a spirit of self-judgement, we assume they are.
How to Stop Judging Yourself
Are you ready to let go? I mean really let go? I believe you can. So, the next time self-judgement starts creeping into your mind and heart, pay attention. You can stop those negative thoughts in their tracks.
Here’s how:
1. Capture your thoughts.
Notice what you are thinking and the story you’re telling yourself. Notice where you feel it in your body and how it shows up in your nervous system. For instance, “I noticed that I’m telling myself that I don’t think (insert name) likes me or wants to get to know me.”
2. Filter your thoughts through truth.
Do you have any evidence? “I don’t have any evidence that (insert name) doesn’t like me. The truth is, he/she might be fighting their own challenges that I don’t know about.”
3. Shift your response, or inner narrative.
“Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions or reading into her intentions when I don’t have any evidence. Perhaps I should reach out and get to know her better. If she doesn’t truly like me, I can handle it. All I can do is be kind and the rest will fall into place.”
Remember: we aren’t our thoughts. Just because we think something doesn’t make it true. And just because we feel something doesn’t make it true. It will take practice, repetition, and patience, but you can get there. You were created to thrive. The first step is letting go of the inner critic inside you.
Are you ready to get unstuck?
Join my upcoming Get Unstuck Group Coaching Program!
This 6-week program will help you focus on self-care, strengths, personalities, purpose, values, passions, goals, and accountability in a small group, live Zoom format.
You are amazing! Start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.
