3 Ways to Leave Behind Stress and Perfectionism

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.” — Anne Lamott

Perfectionism is the enemy of contentment and the author of anxiety and stress. At its extreme, perfectionism is never satisfied. Nothing will ever be good enough. And many of us have some degree of this not-good-enough complex, whether we were born this way or had life experiences that shaped us toward this thinking. We torment ourselves, thinking we are unacceptable to the people around us. Disappointment eventually sets in as we fear we will never, ever get to a level of attainment and status that others will call success. Basically, we settle for less.

Friends, we must guard our hearts against perfectionism. And just to be clear, I am not talking about the kind of perfectionism that pushes us to be our best selves. Rather, I am talking about toxic perfectionism, the kind that sabotages our peace and hijacks our every thought, the kind that keeps us stuck and makes us feel inadequate. The kind that brings our stress levels to an all-time high leading us to spiral into anxiety, depression, and fear.

That’s why I want to share three mindsets you must embrace to let go of toxic perfectionism and shake off the stress: 

1.     Embrace mercy.

Friend, it’s definitely within our power to harm our own sense of worth. Every time you hold yourself to an unrealistic standard or berate yourself with negative self-talk, you are punishing yourself. People who tend to be perfectionistic may offer mercy to others who make mistakes but refuse to offer it to themselves. 

So how about we agree that we all get to be human? You get to mess up. And so do I. We need to see our mistakes and learn from them. Focus on what you are becoming. Focus on where the journey is going, not what you wish you could change about your past.

2.     Embrace failure.

We also need to look at failure as a gift. Failure teaches us lessons we would otherwise miss. Failure is only a threat if we give it power. It’s all about perspective. What if, instead of catastrophizing, we tell ourselves, “A loss is just a loss, and mistakes are just mistakes. They don’t deserve my time or energy, and they certainly don’t deserve my power.” 

Try it. Next time you feel perfectionism coming over you, speak that sentence out loud. It is truth. Our success or failure does not define who we are. It is just part of our story. Failure is what makes us likeable, approachable, and authentic.

3.     Embrace freedom.

We are created to be free: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). 

We are completely free because of God’s sweet grace. We are free to live. We are free to love ourselves, and we are free to love others. Why take up the burden of perfectionism when the gift of freedom and rest is ours? Claim it today. God loves us just the way we are, and until we love ourselves, we can’t love others well. 

Can’t you just feel the stress melt away? Ladies, we are not meant to beat ourselves up. Peace comes when we stop judging our weight, our hair, or our skin. Peace is ours when we let go of unrealistic expectations. So take risks. Mess up. Embarrass yourself. Love yourself. And surround yourself with people who will embrace your imperfections and love you for you, not for your performance. 

Approach the world with confidence, even if you aren’t quite feeling it yet. If you identify with these thoughts, I encourage you to work with someone who can walk through this journey with you, so you can leave behind stress and perfectionism.

Which mindset do you want to embrace today?

Tell me in the comments below!

You are amazing! Start living like it!

Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.