How to Tackle Your Inner Critic
The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They impact our feelings, our actions, and our reactions. They bleed into our relationships, our work, and our own mental states. The problem is that oftentimes, these stories aren't true. They sure seem true though, don’t they? Our brains search the environment for evidence that supports them. Our brains like to be right. This particular story shows up with my clients over and over:
"I can't."
And..it shows up for good reason. FEAR. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of facing the lies that have been told to them. "I can't" is a powerful story we tell ourselves. One that stops so many people from living in freedom and joy. Does this story show up for you, too? If so, what are you telling yourself you can't do?
Here are three ways you can stare your inner critic in the face:
1. Search for truth.
Do you have evidence that “you can’t?” Sometimes the story IS true. For instance . . .I can't run a marathon. I really can't. I have bad knees. However . . .if I'm telling myself "I can't" when I really can, I am sabotaging my own journey.
My book was recently published and I was amazed at how many people told me that they could never write a book. That’s just simply not true. I could have easily said the same thing. I’m not a gifted writer, but I had something to say, and I found a way. You can too.
2. Search for meaning.
I have many questions for my clients who have an “I can’t” mindset:
Why are you telling yourself this lie?
What’s the payoff?
When did you first start believing it?
Who put it there?
How long are you going to let it sabotage you?
We all have very good reasons for what we believe. We just need to make sure they are valid before we let them run the show and derail us from our purpose.
3. Search for self-compassion.
When we tell ourselves that we can’t, we are letting our inner-critic take over and run the show. That critic is there for a reason . . . to keep us safe. That critic doesn’t want us to waste time, energy, or look like a fool to others. That critic hates making mistakes.
That’s where self compassion comes in. Self-compassion says it’s okay to make mistakes. Self-compassion says you are doing an amazing job for just showing up. Self-compassion says you can.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Take it one step at a time. Just keep moving and make sure that you capture those “I can’t” moments and filter them through truth, meaning, and self-compassion. You are created to do great things. Don’t let your inner critic stop you from doing them!
Now tell me, what was your biggest insight?
Let me know in the comments below!
You are amazing! Start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.
