What You Think About Yourself Matters

We are the most marketed to generation in history. We have messages and ads coming at us from every angle about how we need better hair, better cars, better houses, better bodies, better clothes….

...we need to be better…

No wonder millions of people struggle with shame and self-judgment. 

We are living in the middle of a pandemic...and I’m not talking about COVID-19. 

I’m talking about self-judgment. 

Whether we mean it or not, self-directed negativity seeps into our brains and impacts our realities. If we don’t get a handle on it, it will control our relationships, how we view our self-worth, and how we live our lives.

In this digital world we live in, comparing ourselves to the perfect lives and unrealistic standards we see inside the digital squares of our social media feeds can distort the reality of our self-worth. 

We feel like we can’t ever live up to that photoshopped perfection and the self-judgment gremlin takes over and we tell ourselves the lie that we aren’t “just good enough.”

This cyclical pattern can do so much damage to our emotional and mental wellness.

But how did we get here? Maybe it’s the lack of bonding and connection we feel due to isolation from COVID-19 and quarantine?

Maybe it’s the lies that have been told to us throughout our lives, that we allow to become true?

Perhaps it’s all of the above?

Regardless, this type of self-judgment is toxic.

So what do we do to break the cycle? 

We can all shift into freedom and joy when we acknowledge that our self-judgment is actually sabotaging us from living to the fullest. 

Self-judgment keeps us from experiencing joy.

When we live in self-judgment, nothing is ever enough. We are never enough. Our performance is never enough.  Our value is never enough, and we go to great lengths to prove our worth through pleasing others or accumulating trophies. It’s like we’re carrying around a bag of metaphorical bricks stamped with lies like, “you’re not enough” or “you should do better.” These bricks are heavy—let go of them.

Self-judgment keeps us from living to our fullest potential.

You were created with a unique purpose and superpower. That self-judgment is keeping you from shining your brightest. How can you possibly impact others and our world for good, when you’re walking around with those heavy bricks on your back? Let them go so you can run the race!

Self-judgment keeps us from deep relationships with others.

We are created for connection, and we’re at our best when we’re bonded with others. In order to be in true, authentic relationships, we have to embrace vulnerability. If we sit in self-judgment, we are blocked from experiencing true vulnerability. We can’t feel critical of ourselves and be receptive and open to others at the same time. Most things in life aren’t about us, but when we operate from a spirit of self-judgment, we assume they are. 

Here’s How You Curb Your Self-Judgment 

Are you ready to let go? I mean really let go? I believe you can. So, the next time self-judgment starts creeping into your mind and heart, pay attention. You can stop those negative thoughts in their tracks. 

Here’s how: 

1.     Capture your thoughts

Notice what you are thinking and the story you’re telling yourself. Notice where you feel it in your body and how it shows up in your nervous system. For instance, “I noticed that I’m telling myself that I don’t think (insert name) likes me or wants to get to know me.” 

2.     Filter your thoughts through truth

Do you have any evidence? “I don’t have any evidence that (insert name) doesn’t like me. The truth is, he/she might be fighting their own challenges that I don’t know about.”

3.     Shift your response or inner narrative. 

“Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions or reading into her intentions when I don’t have any evidence. Perhaps I should reach out and get to know her better. If she doesn’t truly like me, I can handle it. All I can do is be kind and the rest will fall into place.”

Remember: we aren’t our thoughts. 

Just because we think something doesn’t make it true. And just because we feel something doesn’t make it true. It will take practice, repetition, and patience, but you can get there. 

You were created to thrive. 

The first step is letting go of the inner critic inside you. Or at least telling her to hush every now and then <wink!>

You are amazing! Start living like it!

Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.