Letting Go of That Grudge
I get it. You want them to know how badly they hurt you.
You want her to know the damage is severe. Absolutely. It is so severe.
You want him to understand your pain.
They won’t.
That is just the way it is. Hurt people, hurt people. And they don’t look back; instead, the cycle continues.
The truth is, forgiveness isn’t about condoning another’s hurtful actions or forgetting what happened. Rather, it is about freeing ourselves from living each day inside the resentful memory.
When we hold a grudge, we are the ones in bondage. We are the ones losing energy or sleep over it. Rehashing the wrong keeps us stuck—while the other goes on with her life. Friends, here’s the truth. Forgiving someone doesn’t erase the offense. It just lets us be free from it. It doesn’t condone the behavior or say that the other’s actions were okay (they were not). It just takes the burden off of our shoulders and hands it to God to take care of. Don’t we all want that kind of freedom?
We can all move into freedom when we ask ourselves these three powerful questions:
1. What Do I Need To Let Go Of?
What are you holding on to that needs letting go? In what ways is holding on keeping you stuck?
Hurt. Anger. Resentment. How are they showing up in your life?
Whatever you find the hardest to release is probably the thing you need to let go of the most.
2. What Do I Gain By “Holding On”?
When we choose to forgive someone who has wronged us, we take away their power.
Remember, it doesn’t mean we are condoning the injustice; it just means we will no longer be the victim. Our lives are no longer defined by the hurt but by our strength and courage. It means we are free to be the person we are meant to be.
3. Who Do I Need To Apologize To?
Come on, ladies. We can all think of someone we have hurt, knowingly or unknowingly: a family member, a co-worker, or (cringe) a friend in junior high school. You will feel so much freer when you ask for forgiveness. It’s not hard.
The other person may not be ready to forgive, but at least you will have done everything in your power to reconcile. It takes strength to say you’re sorry, but it will redirect the energy of resentment into a more fruitful pursuit. We can’t love others well if we can’t show humility and ask for forgiveness ourselves.
Most important, we need to accept that we won’t always receive apologies when they are due.
The truth is, everything becomes so much easier when you accept that some people can’t forgive. You will have countless overdue apologies in your life, and if you are hanging out in negative energy space, waiting for ‘I’m sorry,’ you will likely be compromising your inner peace.
I invite you to step into freedom. You won’t regret it.
You are amazing! Start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.
