Three Truths About Boundaries That Will Set You Free

I admit that, as a recovering people pleaser, I really struggle with saying no. I want to make others happy and avoid disappointing anyone, especially those I love. However, now I can recognize when I get into that people-pleasing space and am saying yes when I shouldn’t. 

That’s why I want to talk about boundaries. We all have to learn healthy boundaries. When we do, we will begin to thrive in our personal lives and in our relationships with others. No longer will we feel trapped by the “shoulds” or “have-to’s” we often convince ourselves of. I know I’m not the only one who has had to learn this lesson. 

Today, I want to give you permission and complete freedom to create the boundaries you need to in order to be the healthiest version of you. 

Here are three truths about boundaries that will set you free:

1.    “No” is an acceptable answer.

If we can’t say “yes” with a joyful and ready spirit, then we should at least consider saying “no” (with love and respect). Why are you hesitating? Get curious about your reluctance and lean into what is true for you in that moment. While being agreeable can be helpful in many circumstances, we have to find our voice to say “no” when needed. Sometimes “no” is the only way to stay healthy and respect our personal boundaries.

2.    It’s okay to disappoint others.

How many times have you experienced the downside of unspoken, unclear boundaries? Have you ever upset someone without knowing what you did because she wouldn’t tell you? The confusion and angst are a product of unclear boundaries. She didn’t post a sign outside of her castle. She didn’t let you know what was okay, so you never had a chance to follow the rules or respect her space.

Think of all of the people who have an expectation of you. Nine times out of ten, they never articulate the expectation; thus, you are caught unaware when they become upset with you for not meeting the expectation. It’s uncomfortable and awkward, and too many relationships have suffered all because we are afraid to be clear in advance about what we want and need. 

3.    You are the only one who can protect your boundaries.

We can all learn healthy boundaries. We can learn to say “yes” when it is life-giving for both parties. And, we can say “no” as an appropriate way to take back proper control of our lives. But unless you set a boundary, you’re always going to feel overextended, overwhelmed, and undervalued. Friend, you can’t expect people to adhere to your boundaries if they don’t know what they are. When it comes to your life, you have to be the one to advocate for you.

Give yourself grace as you work on yourself and the relationships in your life with these truths. It’ll feel sticky at first, especially if you’re putting up boundaries for the first time. But keep going because there’s joy and freedom on the other side.

Now tell me, what was your biggest insight?

Let me know in the comments below!

You are amazing! Start living like it!

Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.