Three Ways to Practice Self-Compassion

Dear mama . . . have you ever heard the saying, “the days are long and the years are short?” I’m sad to say that it’s true.  I’m sending one of my babies off to college this week and it has me reminiscing on those “long days” of early parenthood. And when I look back on the last season of my life, I remember all the times I felt like I was drowning. There were so many mom-fails that I can’t even count them. And on top of that, there were moments when I forgot who I was because I was caring for everyone else.

I remember the guilt I felt when I finally got a moment to shower (while the baby was in the next room crying). I remember the worry and the tears as I struggled to figure out if homeschooling was the way to go or if sending them to school was the right path. And when my kids reached their middle school, I tried my best to help them as they navigated the pain of those tough years. Do you feel that way? Those years of figuring out how to care for your littles, love your spouse well, and still make time for yourself are a battle.

Do you feel this way? Listen: Parenting isn't for the faint of heart. We learn and grow every single step of the way. But here's the beautiful truth . . . we don't have to be perfect. That’s why I want to share three ways you can practice self-compassion in these hard (and short) years of raising those littles:

1. You don’t have to be perfect.

We don't have to have the cleanest house, the best birthday parties, or even student with the best grades. What matters most is that we're present with our kids. What matters most is they know that they belong, are loved for exactly how God created them, and they are safe with us.

Trust me, they won't remember the perfectly iced cookies that you brought in for their 2nd grade class party, but they will remember that when they were hurt, you were their greatest comfort.

2. Give yourself grace.

Self-compassionate people talk to themselves the same way they would talk to someone they love. They treat themselves the same way they would treat their best friend. They give the same grace to themselves as they would to someone who has wronged them. Do you berate your best friend? Nope. You show them kindness, go out of your way to make their day, encourage them, and find ways to enjoy your time together.

It’s time to do the same thing for yourself! Give yourself grace the next time that mommy guilt comes knocking. It’ll go a long way and help you reframe how you view your circumstances and ultimately, your life.

3. Let yourself feel true joy.

Happiness comes from being okay with both pain and failure. It comes when you let go of comparing your season and your circumstance to that of another (even if it’s a previous season of your own life that you’re comparing to).

We are all meant to live in the full range of human experience. Sometimes we are up; sometimes we are down. But pain or failure doesn’t mean we have less or are less. So when it comes to truly giving yourself compassion, let yourself feel every emotion that comes your way. You’ll start to find the simple joys of each moment that you’re in. And eventually, it will all adds up to something very beautiful.

Mama: If you're in the trenches of parenthood, give yourself a big dose of grace and self-compassion. Remember what I said earlier? The days are long and the years are short. But you don’t have to have it all figured out. Give yourself compassion today and remind yourself: It will all be okay.

Now tell me, in which way do you want to begin to practice self-compassion?

Let me know in the comments below!

You are amazing! Start living like it!

Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.