Three Lies About Body Image You Need to Let Go

I'm going to talk about something that I don't bring up often, yet every woman I know struggles with: body image. 

I've struggled with it, and I bet you have too. It's difficult not to. Especially in this digital world of images constantly being thrown at us everywhere we turn of what we “should” look like or how we “should” dress.

Summer and the warmer weather can be a major trigger for a lot of women who struggle with body image. We have to leave the safety of our layered winter wear and embrace the ever-dreaded “swimsuit season.” Then you have the fitness industry touting “get your body swimsuit ready” (I cringe just typing that! Hello, shame contributor!) 

Ladies, let’s be real - if you have a swimsuit and you have a body … you're swimsuit ready!

For most women, our relationship with our bodies is such a struggle. When we look in the mirror or see ourselves in a photo, most of us immediately see our flaws first. We see the weight we want to lose, or the gray hairs showing through, or the bags under our eyes - we become our own harshest critic. 

Imagine what it would be like if you saw yourself the way you see your best friend. If your best friend saw a photo of herself and started a diatribe tearing herself down, what would you do? You’d interrupt and stop her! You’d tell her how amazing she looks and how beautiful she is, inside and out. 

So why don’t we treat ourselves with that same kindness?

Having a negative body image isn’t something we are born with. It’s something that we learn through numerous contributors over time. We become overly focused on comparing our size, shape, or appearance to unrealistic ideals. We create false truths about ourselves that become our reality.

In order to tackle body image, we have to be willing to let go of three things that get in the way of living in freedom and peace:

LET GO OF THE LIES

Be careful about the lies you tell yourself. Just because we feel a certain way doesn't make it true. Just because someone else is a size 2 doesn't mean you should be. You are beautiful exactly as you are.

Society continues to push out false images of what beauty is. They use camera angles, professional hair and makeup artists, photoshop, airbrushing, and even models with eating disorders themselves.

The lies ingrained in you could also go back to childhood. If you struggle with body image, it might be because you had a mom that had an unhealthy view of her own body. Was your mom always commenting on her own weight? Did she constantly put herself down? It could be that she emphasized the importance of appearance and weight, leaving you to deduce that you had to look a certain way to be accepted and loved.

If that's your story, let me clear it up for you right here...She. Was. Wrong. No one should have to feel that they are unworthy, or disappointing a parent because of the way they look. Plain and simple - our value comes from the Lord, not from a scale number, a dress size, or your parent's view of your appearance. You are enough exactly the way you are.

LET GO OF "SHOULDS"

The “Coulda, woulda, shoulda’s” of body image are plentiful and also exhausting.  The only "should" you need to embrace is that you should love yourself like you would love your best friend. You should treat yourself with the compassion that you give to others. You should weed out any false narrative that other people are happier in their bodies than you are in yours. 

Our happiness doesn't come from our weight, it comes from within. Don't buy the lie that you'll be happier "when" you weigh your magic weight, or “when” you fit into your skinny jeans. You'll be happier when you love yourself (imperfections and all), treat your body well (engaging in overall health and wellness), and focus on gratitude for the gifts and blessings in your life.

And maybe you are operating from the false narrative of perfectionism? Perfectionism is a mindset that keeps us all stuck. It tells us the lie that we "should" look a certain way. There is no magic number that we "should" weigh or size that we "should" be. There is no perfect body that we "should" look like. We are all created uniquely.

LET GO OF THE SCALE

My podcast co-host and wellness guru, Lori Zabka, says it best, "Our relationship with our scale is one of the most toxic in our lives. We DREAD stepping on that thing and obsess over the number it reflects back. But the scale is deceptive and does not present an accurate or complete picture of a body’s wellness. How about we stop outsourcing our happiness and sense of worth to that annoying piece of metal….let's break down the bathroom scale: When we step on the bathroom scale, it’s measuring everything: your bones, muscles, organs, as well as anything you had to eat or drink before you stepped on the scale, the heavy headband you’re wearing, the chunky sweatpants, if you’re retaining more water than normal, etc. IT’S NOT AN ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF YOUR WELLNESS JOURNEY. Plus, muscle weighs more than fat. So if you’re working out and making good food choices, but the scale isn’t going down, that will take the wind right out of your sails! I love when my clients use other forms of progress tracking like measuring their waist circumference, or gauging the way their clothes are fitting. Better still, I do cartwheels when a client tells me her blood pressure has gone down, her sleep has improved, her energy has increased, or she's reducing certain medications! Changing our mindset around the scale might take some work, but well worth the effort. I say: lose the scale and regain your sanity!"

Instead of focusing on how you look, focus on how you feel. By all means, take care of the body God has given you. Health and wellness are both important. We need you to feel good so you can impact the world for good! Eat whole foods that fuel you (ditch the processed stuff). Protect your sleep so you have energy and focus. Move your body and avoid a sedentary lifestyle. Protect your schedule so you aren't running on fumes and reacting to the stress in your life. Surround yourself with people who build you up and don't tear you down. Weed out the toxic relationships in your life, especially those that focus on your weight. 

Tackle the negative thoughts you allow to occupy your head...rent-free. Figure out your purpose, so you wake up in the morning ready to take on the world with passion. It's difficult to be consumed with our body when we are on fire for our mission and purpose!

Next time you start to rattle off all the things wrong with the way you look, I want you to stop yourself, flip the script, and talk to yourself the way you would talk to your friend. After all, we need to be our own best friends, right?

You are amazing! Start living like it!

Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.