Three Ways to Embrace Imperfection
The other afternoon, our son, Luke, was in his rush out the door to meet some friends. On his way out, I pulled the “but did you do…” following up on my earlier request for him to unload the dishwasher. Begrudgingly, he set his stuff down and began to unload. He quickly became frustrated at the new kitchen gadgets that were getting stuck in the silverware holder well.
I'd just gotten home from work, so my brain was still in counselor mode (which my family loves, by the way) so as I was noticing his frustration and, without even realizing it, I was reflecting his frustrations back to him.
He'd say something, and I'd respond in my counselor voice, "you're frustrated because you don't know where it goes."
“Yes!” He said, more frustrated.
Then he'd say something else and I'd respond, "You're upset because you're trying to hurry and the gadgets are getting caught. I get it."
“YES!” he says, even more annoyed. "But Mom! Please stop patronizing me! You're talking to me like a counselor.”
And then I immediately heard myself. And he was right.
Even though I didn't mean to be, I did sound patronizing to him in that moment. BUT EVEN THEN still in counselor mode, I respond, "You feel like I'm patronizing you. I totally get it." and then I stopped myself, we both laughed. I had done it AGAIN without even realizing it!
Here's the thing — we all have these moments where our behavior is on auto-pilot and we're unaware of the way we're showing up for people. We all have our blind spots, and most of us don't like to look at them.
There are lots of reasons we don't like to look at our blind spots. They’re like the monster in the closet we just want to keep in there. We especially don't like when other people point them out to us. The big reason for this is the dreaded: shame.
We don’t like when people point out our imperfections.
If we believe the lie that we are only valuable if we are perfect, then our blind spots are a threat. But when we are able to believe the truth that we are human and loved in all of our imperfections, then we are free to consider our shortcomings without feeling the need to hide them. There is freedom in embracing our shortcomings.
When it comes to the struggle with perfectionism, remember these three truths:
WE'RE NOT CREATED TO BE PERFECT
As humans, we're all imperfect and we all have blind spots. We were never meant to have it all together. If we did, we wouldn't have the need for a Savior. There was one perfect person on this Earth, and his name was Jesus. The rest of us get a perfection pass. Thank goodness!
NOBODY EXPECTS US TO BE PERFECT
If you have people in your life that do, you need to reconsider your relationship with them. If it's a parent or family member, it might be time to have a conversation about boundaries. If it's a friend, it might be time to reconsider your friendship. Safe friendships don't require perfection. If it's an acquaintance, you need to ask yourself why their opinion matters.
OTHERS ACTUALLY WANT US TO BE IMPERFECT
When we embrace our own imperfection, others are drawn to us. There is something so inviting about a person who doesn't pretend to have it all together. Who doesn't seem to have all the answers. Who doesn't need to look like the superstar.
We become "safe" to others when we can look at our blind spots and embrace the fact that we have them. Humility, openness, and authenticity are attractive. Pride, shame, and defensiveness are not.
The next time you feel yourself getting defensive when someone lets you know how you're impacting them, take a moment to stop and observe. Notice what you're feeling. What emotions are coming up for you? Might it be the lie of shame, telling you that anything less than perfect makes you unworthy? Might it be the voice of a judgmental parent or loved one, leading you to feel that perfection was required for love? If so, you're not alone. The struggle is real for so many. Do yourself a favor and let go of the idea that blind spots are bad, and embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth instead. It takes courage, but it's a giant step toward freedom!
You are amazing! Start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.
